The Califloridian

2010 FTW

Sound out the title.

I’m looking forward to the exploits and misadventures of this new year, and this new decade. Started the year off with Black Eyed Peas (a good old Southern tradition) though this was Fergie’s crew, not the hearty culinary item. But whatever, superstitions have some room for flexibility. Trust me, I had to dismantle our Christmas tree and put it in the garage, because it was bad luck to carry it over into the New Year in our house. As though the garage was some sort of suburban Casablanca and refuge for the superstitious powers that be.

Some resolution talk, the goal is to have a feature-length script finished and in the editing phase around August at the latest, preferably the Summer. Come August I should be packing my bags and riding out the old fashioned way along I-10 to Los Angeles, the city of angels and entertainment dreams. Chances are you could find me at an In-And-Out Burger serving you up some sarcasm Animal-Style instead of in a producer’s office talking about proposed changes to some magnum opus in my portfolio. But that’s okay with me. It’s a fantastic city and I look forward to spending the latter half of 2010 there with family and close friends and memories that will never be replaced.

I’m also working on some other projects, constantly writing to keep my wits and craft finely honed and sharpened so I have the best shot imaginable, and keep persevering in the face of absolute pessimism and rejection. Such is the creative life.

That’s this update. In other news, practicing a lot of guitar lately, and have a few more songs written and in the bank. No one cares, but I figured I’d share for posterity’s sake. Peace from Panama City, Florida, January 1st, 2010.

Them Crooked Vultures

It’s been a little while, but I’ve been busy writing and editing as per the usual.

In the meantime I’ve been diving headlong into the delightfully twisted world of Them Crooked Vultures, the latest supergroup to follow in the footsteps of Chickenfoot.

For the record, Chickenfoot is comprised of Joe Satriani (guitar legend), Chad Smith (Red Hot Chili Peppers drummer), and Michael Anthony and Sammy Hagar (of Van Halen fame).

Them Crooked Vultures teams of a dangerous threesome in the likes of John Paul Jones (Led Zeppelin, not nautical fame), Josh Homme (of Queens of the Stone Age and sometimes Eagles of Death Metal), and the venerable Dave Grohl (Nirvana and more recently Foo Fighters).

Each instrument rips through the air and Homme’s singing morphs from high falsetto creepiness to deep bellowing hallows. The drumming is par none, and explodes with every strike, and the desert-bum guitar twirls through the night air like a surreal gypsy dance.  Unfortunately, at least for me, Jones’ bass playing is mostly unheard over the intenseness of his fellow performers, but at least one song includes a three minute long John Paul Jones keyboard solo which simply pulls your own boot off to kick your own ass with it.

Check  it out if you get the opportunity.

North Cackalackee

The Califloridian finds himself in neither of his self-imposed titular states. He is slightly north…a least a little further than South Carolina at that.

I’m writing from a small MacBook Pro in the mountains of Cashiers, North Carolina (pronounced Cash-ers to the locals, not like money handlers at retail establishments). I’ve been slightly whittling away at some of the smaller nuances of my latest feature length script, one I hope to have finished in first draft form in roughly a month and a half, long enough that I can do a quick rewrite before submitting to some producers at Escape Artists Productions, the crew behind “Knowing”, “A Knight’s Tale”, and “The Taking of Pelham 123”.

Chances are, while scaling the treacherous and unforgiving crags of the Hollywood mountain, I’ll discover like adventurous screenwriters before me that your first 8 scripts don’t count. And spec scripts are themselves a slippery, tricky business.  But I don’t really care, if I get a chance to let some readers at Escape Artists read my screenplay I’ll at least have made it further than your average joe who thinks he can crap out 120 pages of gold.

Part of my motivation for this little month long writing spree is a recent writer’s conference I attended at the University of North Florida over this nice quaint little summer. Three days, I got to participate in a screenwriter’s workshop and read some local writer’s work and have them hound over mine. Nothing’s more delightful than listening to other writer’s pander how awful your writing is. But in such constructive ways, of course. The life of a writer is a lonely self-imposed exile into our own imaginations and the very recesses of our souls. The vulnerability and inevitable dread of criticism and outside opinions is both feared and awaited with adrenaline fueled excitement.

Personally I now relish in the words and viewpoints of my peers, their own creative attitudes crafted carefully over decades of exile and lonely determination are now shaped and sculpted into valuable weapons of truth to help us figure out the honest-to-God  souls of our very own works.

If you ever get a chance to participate in writer’s workshop or a group criticism, take it.

It’s been a while since I’ve taken journalistic classes and formal training, and as you can plainly see I ramble like a crazy person.

So I’ll stop it.

Erin Andrews-itis

A few things on this Erin Andrews fiasco.

1) Have some integrity – don’t try to watch this video online. The video has been all but removed from the internet, and if you do find what you think is a “legit” source, it’s not. In case you haven’t noticed, viruses are abundant in the internet, and this video is the best opening for viral hackers to get into your system. Do yourself a favor – AVOID!

2) This is the kind of shit that happens in hotels that we, as the public, pretend doesn’t happen to real people in real life. If you’ve never done anything “private” in a hotel room (I know what kind of movies channels they have there) then clearly I’m preaching to wrong choir. People are given keys and one-way peep-holes for a reason. We want to feel secure in our hotel rooms, much like our own residential bedrooms. This is a sickening violation of some of the basest of people’s rights to privacy.

Regardless of whether or not it’s Erin Andrews, or John McClusky from Boston, we need to be wary of our surroundings, and if you’re gonna stretch out in the buff, or do anything else that could be taken as even slightly exploitative, then we need to take care of ourselves, until other people get their act together.

Utterly Simulating…

I’ve been tinkering around the interwebs recently with a certain nostalgic flair, looking for the kind of games I miss from a few years ago. And I’m talking six plus years into our pasts now. Back in the day when the prefix “Jane’s” meant it was a solid military simulator of some kind, and you could look forward to realistic action and still intense game play. Back when video games were a great way for enthusiasts to really appreciate the amazing machines humans build, and also some of the not-so-enlightening aspects of our daily existence, a la war.

Well now, thank God, at least Bohemia Interactive is still ticking away. The creators of Operation Flashpoint: Cold War Crisis and the later ArmA have recently released a new iteration in their series, ArmA II on Steam recently. The game follows the same basic principles and staples of the previous installments, cheesy voice acting, awkward controls, and otherwise kickass simulating gameplay. This series (I use the term loosely, none of the games follow the previous installments, or are similar other than engine and ex-soviet obsessions) is the first and only real “infantry simulator” I’ve ever seen in a civilian market. In fact, on that note, it’s interesting to point out that Bohemia Interactive has a running gig with the United States Army and Marine Corps. to program life-size simulators for their ground pounders. Fun stuff.

But back to the subject at hand. ArmA II is an improvement within the franchise because of its real life effects like light blurs, motion blurs, weight and ballistics reaction, weapon jams, hindering injuries, AI and squad tactics, and overall feel of a real military engagement and experience. For those of you that have kind of flirted with the idea of a military career but couldn’t quite push the button, this is as good as it gets. I consider myself in that category. Not personally up to snuff to be an army of one, I still have great respect for the boys and girls in green, and envy their great personal courage and duty, and have vowed myself to do anything I can and use what talents I may possess to help out my nation even to a modicum of how they profit theirs.

And that also reminds me of mercenaries which is always an interesting topic to explore, but that’s a blog for another day.

Anyways, I’m a rambler and all I’m getting at is ArmA II is a great game for those of you that are into hardcore infantry simulators (or any other kind for that matter), kind of like we used to see a few years ago with the decreasingly commonplace fighter jet simulators and the like, and is definitely worth checking out. There’s a free demo available on Steam which is most assuredly not a waste of time.

But only if you’re into these kinds of games. Gears of War fans may not be so enthralled with the crawling gameplay at some times, heh.

Peace out,

The Califloridian.

And the Kick is off!

So here we are, at 11:33pm, Thursday, I’m at my newly built computer, looking at the good old WordPress, wondering what I’m going to do with my soon to be “enlightened” life, and I figure, what the hell, start another blog. But not just any blog, sir, start some kind of creative movement. Well a creative movement for myself. Why it has to be on the internet for all the unwashed masses to witness, no idea, but it’s almost the year 2010, so I’ better get with the program.

And that’s not to imply that I’m not technologically savvy. Did I just  mention I built this new computer? From specific parts, which isn’t a rocket science-level feat, but still requires a little computer know-how. For the organized among you out there, there will be no more purpose to this blog than there is purposes in road kill. It just happens. Necessary elements from two different worlds come together at the right moment in the right space, to create calamitous explosion of unique-ness, privy only to those on the red-eye commutes. That is this blog.

As for the title, Califloridian applies to me, your host and ship master on this fantastic voyage into the irreverent and random. Born in Jacksonville, Florida, where I-10 effectively ends (or begins if you prefer), I find myself studying Creative Writing, and spending all my waking hours watching movies, studying movies, reading books, writing books, reading books on writing movies adapted from books, etc., etc.

So there you go, a quick primer, and what have you. Chances are this thing will get littered with some short stories, perhaps a few screenplay scenes I felt were a little better than others. Some maybe from other screenplays, just because I really like them and feel like talking about ’em all the time. If that turns out to be the case you’re going to see a lot of “Collateral” and “The Dark Knight” happening out here. But I’m sure I’ll provide some interesting commentary along with my pseudo-plagiarism.

Cheers,

The Califloridian.